Paris Hilton Has Been Robbed

While Paris Hilton was out partying at Bar Deluxe last night, some douchebag(s) were robbing her house. How’d he get in, you ask? Through the front door, of course. Paris forgot to lock it.

Fortunately, she has video surveillance equipment, which caught images of a man in a hooded sweatshirt and gloves ransacking her home. Officials believe the incident is connected to a string of burglaries that have taken place recently in the Westside and Hollywood Hills areas, costing many celebrities hundreds of thousands of dollars in jewelry and other valuables.

So, how much did the thief make off with? $2 million dollars worth of valuables. Hope she’s up to date on her homeowner’s insurance payments!

I can’t even comprehend having that much money. Granted, my net worth is somewhere in the neighborhood of $1.73 in loose couch change, so I doubt I’d be targeted for a robbery. After all, nobody can steal an overdrawn bank account and a hundred grand in student loan debt…or can they? Because if so, I’m totally leaving my front door wide open from now on.