Lindsay Lohan Isn’t Going to Jail

In 2007, Lindsay Lohan got two DUIs while trying to Eye of the Tiger it home after boozing at various clubs. Today, she was hauled back into court for failing to meet her probation requirements, which included completing a bunch of classes. Specifically, she only attended 15 of 26 individual classes, 13 of 26 group classes and 13 of 28 self-help sessions.

I’m not very good at math, but that’s like, less than half. To her credit, they were probably at 11am or something. Who can be expected to get up that early in the morning? They should have those things at 3am, so you can just roll in after partying all night. Seeing everyone in bright fluorescent light (spoiler alert: that “perfect 10” you saw in the club is really a “solid 4”) and watching everyone’s buzz fade as their hangover starts to set in is the kind of alcohol education we could all use every now and then.

Anyway, the judge could have thrown her ass in jail. Instead, she reportedly extended her probation for another year and scheduled another hearing for December 15th. You know that if it were you or me who pulled this kind of stuff, we’d be in jail drinking toilet wine for the next year and a half. Hopefully, Lindsay will use this fifteenth second chance to get her act together.

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